Friday, August 25, 2006
Why are things easier said than done?.

romanced at 15:48hr

Monday, August 21, 2006
Day one was not so good. Perhaps it's Monday. Or Lab was taxing. Or viva didn't go that well. Or the other group just took their readings off ours without helping us. Or my phone battery died in less than 24 hours. It could be many things. But it's the first time I feel this. Usually I could complain to one person. But I can't now. And that person is the one I want to complain about at the moment.

Other couples go to watch movies after school. Or go to school together. Or wait for each other to go home together. Or just hang out during breaks. The one I have is stuck in hall. Never mind. I already said I will be patient. Though why I have to make sacrifice through no doing of mine, I don't understand. And the one responsible doesn't have to do anything.

Two months then. I shall try to enjoy two months of being single. Wanna date me anyone? My weekends are pretty free. :P

Okay, you might think that maybe I'm being unreasonable. I gotta give the guy a break. He's excited about Uni, just like I was when I entered. Couples don't have to do everything together. Each person must have their own activities. Their own spaces.

One, I was excited about Uni yes. But I kept everything to the bare minimum in the end due to you-can-guess-what. I thought he is not an outgoing person, which was true at that time. I thought he won't like it if I have so many activities. So I changed. Two, I agree. I'm anti couples who are always together. But this is not about that. I would never have guessed that he's so sociable. I feel cheated. How can I love someone unconditionally when they're turning into people whom I dislike. Actually how can I even continue to love them. I just feel a lot of pain, a lot of hurt. It's really tearing my heart. Some of you may think I'm selfish. But I just don't want him to do things I don't do myself. Things I gave up for him. Maybe deep in my heart I wish he'll do the same and give up certain things for me. Guess I flatter myself thinking I'm first in his priorities. Funny thing is, it took me so long to realise. He has never missed anything to be with me, not a single event, never even try to leave early or go late so he can spend more time with me. I bet he always turns up on time (or even earlier) and then be the last to leave. Actually he does. Oh my God, how can I not see that until now.

Even when I said I don't like him going (sometimes the venue is a pub, ok, call me old-fashioned, but he doesn't like me going either and I didn't except with my aunts) he still go anyway, he'd reach early and be the last to leave. And he's not even close with the birthday guy or girl. And he only knows one or two people at the party. I think maybe cause what he likes or don't like, and what he said matters to me that I think what I like or don't like matters to him too. But he has never listened to what I said, really. If I told him I don't like it, he'll not heed it. Anyway let's forget about it now. If I keep going I'll fall into depression.

To all my friends who are concerned about me: I thank you. I don't understand myself why I'm feeling this way. It's probably the first time. I'll learn to deal with this quick. There's always a solution. :) I know some of the things I compain about seems trivial, but believe me, when things accumulate like that, anyone will get bitter about it. And things will be complicated. By that time, no matter what you do the girl will feel very dissatisfied. Or the guy if it's the other way round. But it's your fault, and you've been warned. So guys and girls, don't do that to your partners. If you love them you don't want them to feel sad, much less to see them cry every night.

romanced at 20:39hr

Friday, August 18, 2006
Tear gland has yet gotten back to its normal working condition. I wonder if it's lack of sleep that causes me to strain my eyes so much so that I feel tears welling up at the corner of my eyes. Ready to flow just anytime anywhere.

Somebody pulls me out of this hole and bring the cheerful me back please. This is too painful.

romanced at 23:16hr

Kalo gue pikir-pikir.. Argh!! Amelia, loe kok parah banget bodohnya. Naif, pikiran tolol, terperangkap dalam ide-ide romantis yang cuma nyata dalam film Hollywood. Is there no limit to my stupidity.. *groan*

romanced at 23:09hr

Thursday, August 17, 2006
Oke, karena hari ini adalah hari kebangsaan negara gue, gue mau buat celebration dengan menulis blog entry kali ini dalam bahasa negara. Ya, sebisa mungkin deh.

Pertama-tama, biar gue mulai dengan mengumumkan bahwa gue sudah beli hp baru semalam! Model samsung E900. Keren habis. Agak susah dipakai sih, kan mumpung msih baru. Pake touch pad lagi. Biar latihan dulu deh. Terus karena gue belum sempat belajar cara pakenya, terpaksa hari ini gue masih menggunakan LG lama gue. Hehe.

Kedua, semester baru sudah dimulai. Bakal sibuk en stress nih, mana labnya entah kayak apa, dan semester lalu gue kacau banget. Modulenya istilahnya sambung dari module semester lalu gitu. Jadi gue didalam jurang taik sekarang (deep shit). Tapi yang namanya Amelia itu ya, pasti pantang mundur. Meskipun nggak mampu menaikkan cap gue, paling tidak harus gue pertahankan. Chie.

Ketiga, yang jadi boyfriend itu ya, cuma namanya yang bf. Selama beberape minggu ini, ketika gue perlu curhat, dianya malah sibuk lari sana sini lompat tinggi rendah dalam aktivitas yang dikenal sebagai camp. Bukannya gue sama sekali nggak boleh kalo dia mau ikutan yang ginian, tapi tahu diri dong. Habis satu camp, pergi camp yang seterusnya. Dan setengahnya itu nggak perlu. Dia sendiri yang mau ikutan, terus selalu bilang kalo dia sebenarnya nggak pengen, seandainya dia tahu kalo campnya kayak gitu dia nggak mau ikut, mengeluh bosan, nggak enthu sama sekali, de el el. Ini dasarnya lagi mocking gue nih. Gue udah kasih tahu aktivitas yang akan ada, dan segala gala detail. Dia milih mengiakan nasehat gue, terus waktu gue coba untuk enthu buat dia, responsenya malah gitu. Siapa yang nggak meledak coba? Udah gue usahakan supaya nggak ketemu karena dianya sibuk..

Sekarang, dia sama sekali nggak kapok. Baru masuk hall, udah berencena untuk ikut tiga CCAs. Kayaknya gue boleh menganggap diri gue single en available deh. Nggak mau break up sih boleh aja, tapi jangan harap kalo semuanya bisa kembali ke normal. Mau normal gimana lagi, udah gilenya kelewatan gitu. Gue juga bisa bilang nih, kalo gue tahu pacaran ama dia bakal sakit hati sampe segini, gue juga nggak mau nih. Nggak perlu. Toh dianya juga nggak cinta amat ama gue. Cuma ngomong..

Tapi sialannya gue ini mudah nangis. Kalo teringat dia, dikit dikit keluar air mata. Emang crybaby. Tapi ini overly sensitif nih. Terus bf apa yang sering bikin gfnya nangis. Mana cintanya mana... Marah deh.

romanced at 22:25hr

Wednesday, August 16, 2006
The Lakehouse was very very very good. One of the best movies I've ever watched. And I've watched quite many movies during my early dating period. Though I don't really keep track which were my personal best. :) It was so romantic. So touching. I will kill to have a boyfriend like the character Keanu Reeves played. So understanding, so patient, so thoughtful, and of course romantic, not to meantion that his love is so pure. And that Keanu Reeves is so gorgeous. Ah.. *melting*

I love Sandra Bullock's short hair in the movie. But I couldn't cut my hair again after so soon right. Maybe the next time I cut then. I kinda wish that the two of them will be together for real. They have good chemistry. Yes yes, they have to be together.

Oh, tomorrow is a long day man, a total of 8 hours lectures. Let's see how well I survive.. or bad, depending on how you see it.

romanced at 21:45hr

Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Somebody says I'm very pretty. *blush*, *giggles*.

Haha, that was so totally bimbotic. Anyway, the compliment is rare, so I couldn't resist writing it out here. I apologise for the goosebumps I caused. :P I'm having lack of sleep! My sister's and my schedule are opposite. Mine's morning day, hers mostly afternoon to evening. I can't sleep earlier than her when she still have stuffs to do. But when I wake up in the morning she's still in dreamland. Argh.

romanced at 15:59hr

Monday, August 14, 2006
Lab was chaotic.

Damn my mood.

romanced at 22:53hr

Wanted to watch the fireworks, but I didn't know who I could go with, and I didn't know if anyone I know was going or if they would mind my joining them, so in the end I missed all the 3 shows. My sis didn't tell me she was going to watch on friday. Grr..

Class gathering on Sat night was wonderful. It feels so good to hang out together and chatting again. I talked so much, and probably too much. Haha. Hope nobody's annoyed with me. I know my voice isn't superstar material ;P Let's plan for another gathering again! We could use my house (yes yes) but I don't have barbeque materials. My mum offers to cook curry chicken or rendang. And I can tell you my mum cooks well. Like once a year my sis's friends will ask to come so they can eat my mum's reandang. Though once in a while the cooking may taste different. But it's not halal so I couldn't invite the bims although my mum cooks so much and tells me to invite friends. Maybe we can get halal kitchen utensils.

Ah, somehow I'm excited for the class guys who're finally in Uni. Meet for lunch meet for lunch!! Oh my look at the time, shit, am gonna be late for first lecture of the sems.

romanced at 02:02hr

Saturday, August 12, 2006
Just when I was trying to be nice. It feels like cold wind slapping on my face. Ain't no idea if I should try again.

romanced at 00:26hr

Tuesday, August 08, 2006
With the briefing this morning, it really and finally dawn on me that my holiday is ending. Or you can say it has ended, probably long ago. I can hardly call what I was doing in the past few weeks holidaying. And the rest of it was not much of a holiday anyway. I worked the most, did housechores the most, but slack and slept the least. I hope this will not have a negative impact on my alertness during lessons. I am already in deep trouble as it is, being able to sleep almost at any lecture, anytime, anyday, some 5 to 10 minutes into the lecture, and after being 30 minutes late. How the hell was I able to hold myself up in JC, I wonder. Perhaps I have used up all my energy then.

Actually I do look forward to school. I'm more comfortable with having some purposes in my life. While earning extra cash doing part time is good, this holiday has not been very nice to me. I even dated the least during the 3 months. So-called-boyfriend was and still in camp, has been in numerous camps 5 weeks out of the last 7 weeks. No, you don't want me to comment on that. I will rather not shock you with the vulgarity that I'm capable of. Anyway, I feel like I'm almost single. Well, almost. I've been thinking, though on and off, perhaps it's not a bad thing to feel that way again. But well, it's just a thought.

romanced at 22:42hr

Sunday, August 06, 2006
I almost forgot that I wanted to watch The Lakehouse. Oh, I love Keanu Reeves. But I have to say I don't really get the Matric. Anyway, who shall I watch with? Qiujie said he wanted to watch. But he's so busy now and he probably has watched it already. Hmm.. think I shall try watching it alone. It will be my first time though. So exciting.. :P Now, when shall I watch?

romanced at 23:50hr

Thursday, August 03, 2006
I'm in a bad mood. Is it your fault? Sigh

romanced at 23:10hr